To some, this would be a picture of a typical South Asian diaspora family on any given weekday evening. A large, multi-generational household, married children still at home, women in the kitchen, men doing the ‘real’ work (or not, as the case may be). As with many stereotypes, there’s a bit of truth in it. The family unit and family ties are important parts of South Asian culture, but like so many other areas, they are evolving.

South Asian families do tend to be larger than those of other ethnic groups. For example, Bangladeshi families in Britain have an average of 4.7 people per household, compared with an average of 2.3 people in a white household. This is because they are more likely to be multi-generational and include dependent children than other groups. It is also not unusual to find newly married couples living in the same house as the husband’s parents. Increasingly, however, young couples are living away from their parents, though many live nearby in order to provide assistance when necessary.

Younger generations

Unmarried children, whatever the age, are generally expected to stay with their parents, partly because this is what custom dictates, but also for financial reasons. A significant number of Asian (especially female) students tend to choose universities close to their parental home, so they can commute rather than move out.

Some observers see this as unhelpful and feel that children should become independent as soon as possible and not rely on their families for support once they reach a certain age. This view is shared by some young Asians who may feel stifled by their families and embarrassed as they see their peers move out. Others see the practice as positive – practically, in terms of the money saved, and also as an expression of the closeness of Asian family ties and support.

It is another example of the tensions in cultures that the second and third generation South Asian diaspora has to face.

Advantages and disadvantages

Asian families can be hierarchical, with elders and older siblings commanding more respect. This can be positive, but can also cause frustration as younger voices are not always heard. There is usually a traditional division of labour with women taking on most of the domestic chores such as cooking and cleaning (and childcare). Some South Asian families feel that married women should not take up paid employment outside the home, especially if they have children, though many have a positive view on women going out to work. For some couples, especially younger ones where both partners are working, domestic responsibilities are shared.

The extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) is an important part of these communities, with regular contact between families. This can have its advantages and disadvantages.

It can be an excellent support network, emotionally and practically, providing everything from childcare to interest-free loans to shoulders to cry on, but can also put pressure on households and individuals. The opinion of the extended family can even be influential in supposedly personal decisions, like choice of marriage partner.

Outsiders can sometimes find it hard to break into Asian families and can find themselves competing for a person’s loyalties. It is not always easy to disentangle the individual from their family.

‘My parents would skin me alive. They believe we should stick to our own kind. It’s mainly because of the fear of what other Sikhs might say. It would entail a loss of respect within the community and the extended family’ (A young Sikh).

Also see…

> Go to the prayer room to find prayers for your family